I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
