Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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