I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
