Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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