Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize