Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
