it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
