I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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