On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
