I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
