I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
