shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
