Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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