I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
