Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can text with my tongue
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
