She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
