I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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