She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
