Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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