there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drake has all the answers
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
