just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
