fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
