I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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