so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
