my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dicks are not precious.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize