Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
