i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
