party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
