Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
