I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
