My hand turned me down
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
