sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You need a sexual gate keeper
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
