I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
