Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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