1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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