one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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