I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
