So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
