You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
