i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
