No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How external is "for external use only"?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
