i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
