apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
