If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
