She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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