Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
