I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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