did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
