We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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