We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
