just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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