Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
