I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize