So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
