so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
