I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
