I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I forget how to act sober
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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