how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
