I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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