This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
