i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
