My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
