What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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