He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
