We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
