I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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